He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
