that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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