In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
