I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
