I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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