I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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