i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
