So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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