I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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