His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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