Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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