how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We have started to decorate penises.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
