She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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