I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
