im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
