Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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