I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
