Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
