Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
