he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
