peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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