So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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