you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
