The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
