I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
