I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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