this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
