she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
