Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
