Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
