Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
