we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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