i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
