And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
