You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
