my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
