Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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