apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
