Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he thought i was a dude.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
