I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
