I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
