Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
