i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
