I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
