I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We have started to decorate penises.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
