Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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