Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
