Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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