but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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