Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
why is half of my head shaved?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
