Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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