As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
