the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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