Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
